Google makes me feel sick

My adsense account was suspended (or disabled whatever) by google some time ago, i didnt know of that before although I was not able to see the ads on this site, at the time, i thought it was blocked by company's network, but it wasnt and I checked my mailbox to find the email notifying me of the suspension.

I was not happy with that, definitely, although I indeed have done some tricks like false clicks, etc, and at the time of account suspension, ad income counted up to 50 bucks; google didnt give clear explanations why they disabled it, instead, just mentioned that my account has incurred adverse effects on their ad providers, which made me feel very very sick.

Because google just kicks you away after you have contributed some benefits by either self-clicking the ads or other ways, and they get the benefits and never share with you guys, later they just send an email which doesnt explain anything regarding the account suspension. I quite doubt how many people actually get the shares of benefits from google? On the contrary, how many of us put google ads on our site?

Anyway, i will never try to re-activate my adsense account, it makes me feel sick, and what google claims of "do no evil" makes me even feel sick..